Recently, R&B Singer August Alsina revealed in an interview that he was previously involved in a relationship with actress Jada Pinkett Smith, who is famously married to superstar Will Smith. Since then, Pinkett Smith has denied those claims through a representative. Whether the two had a relationship is no business of anyone outside of those three individuals. What I was surprised about, however, is how the hip hop community and Black Twitter has dealt with this revelation.
The Smiths have been generous with opening up about their personal life. They owe it to no one to explain themselves. The media has taken what information they have been given and discussed how the two are in some sort of open relationship for well over a decade. Jada has commented, albeit vague, in the past:
“I’ve always told Will, ‘You can do whatever you want as long as you can look at yourself in the mirror and be okay,'” Jada told Huffington Post.
At the same time, she has outright denied being in a truly “open” relationship:
“Will and I BOTH can do WHATEVER we want, because we TRUST each other to do so. This does NOT mean we have an open relationship…this means we have a GROWN one.”
I applaud them for being able to openly communicate their desires with each other. Being in a non-monogamous relationship takes a lot of effort; more than most are willing to give. You must be able to look within, work past insecurities, and, mostly importantly, trust your partner. Intimacy is the most sacred frontier of relationships. Even the most secure individual will experience jealousy on some minute level. For us, everything we’ve experienced so far has been non-traditional. She was a serial monogamist and I had fidelity issues in my previous relationships.
When I engaged in acts outside of my relationships before, I was at the same time extremely jealous. It was so easy to understand when I heard that cheaters are always the most jealous. When Victoria and I first started dating, I admitted that I’ve had issues in the past. At the same time, our trust from the very beginning was on a whole other level. We were able to discuss aspects of our previous love-lifes that we never thought we could open up about.
The foundation of trust sets up a solid frame for our house of love and intimacy. The jealousy I felt before was never there. It was pretty much nonexistent. Although we aren’t in a truly open relationship, we can discuss the option any time we need. Marriage solidified the ability to talk about those situations because we knew that we were in this for the long haul and the love we have for each other simply can’t be felt for another. We have no doubt in our minds about that. In that sense, we have a lot in common with Jada and Will. No one needs to know the details in the bedroom, but we feel that educating others creates a better understanding on the subject.
What Can We Learn From This?
The reason we have to say something and make their business our business is this: why is it that a celebrity’s sex life has to be such a public affair? So many people have chimed in. Twitter is ablaze internationally as even my Amsterdam trending lists are full of the fallout from Alsina’s interview. So called ‘fans’ are injecting themselves into the discussion with libelous claims about Will’s ability to perform in bed or Jada’s promiscuous activity. Progress in 2020 doesn’t mean that progress is happening everywhere.
As a species, we have always been apt to fear the unknown. It drives our fears since the dawn of man. We’ve cast out those who engage in activity unfamiliar to the majority. That goes for homosexuality, hypersexuality, and anything else deemed “weird” or potentially “dangerous.” None of these affect our lives. Another man’s dollar doesn’t buy my lunch. So why does everyone feel entitled to degrade the famous couple for their sexual preferences?
The fact that so many people think they know what is really going on behind closed doors amazes me. Strangers will always have opinions and social media doesn’t exactly create a friendly environment. What’s most important is that people new to the concept of an open relationship try to learn from the Smiths and understand that not all couple are built the same. Actually, I would venture to say that no relationship is the same at all. Love is a complicated beast. There’s no perfect way to navigate the process. Sometimes, we look to celebrities for guidance because their private lives are unwillingly put out there for the world to examine.
The Hip Hop culture is especially known for being loud and most of the time, judgmental. It’s full of machismo with a long standing message being delivered that men must perform at nearly impossible standards. Fans are indoctrinated by the artists themselves that they’re so great on all levels that their partners should be fully dedicated to them. The partners have no reason to desire intimacy from others because everything they need is readily available from their providers; but what happens in the long term when the relationship has seen extreme highs and stimulation has peaked?
Jada and Will are unique individuals so it stands to reason that their relationship will be equally unique. They’re intellectually enlightened and I would imagine finding someone as enlightened as them is no easy task. Alsina seems to be on this self discovery kick that got him put in a situation for which he wasn’t prepared. He was likely expected to keep his mouth shut, but the man’s got albums to sell I suppose. Again, we find ourselves reading from the outside looking in and trying to make sense of someone else’s point-of-view. Instead, the masses have chosen to jump on the couple instead of the man who couldn’t keep a secret. Doesn’t that go completely against the culture? Take what you can get and be happy you were invited into such a secure, loving situation.
Overstimulation is prevalent in our society. We consume media as a massive rate from all angles. Sexual overstimulation has occurred since pornography was made readily available on the internet. Overall, we need to be able to take a step back and learn the truth about moderation. Anything that raises dopamine levels should be moderately consumed or we risk addiction. That addiction doesn’t stop at common outlets. Due to social media, opinions have become overshared on too many platforms. It’s easy to blurt out negative thoughts with no repercussion. It does affect others though. It’s an indirect form of bullying. We’re just lucky the Smiths are strong enough to move past this obstacle.
In my perfect world, every relationship will be able to communicate better. Suppression of emotion leads to long-term issues that’s far too much for many to overcome. We need to be able to step back and ask ourselves if it really matters in the grand scheme of things that Jada and Alsina have anything to do with our own well-being. When we’re able to mind our own business, we have more time to fix our own personal issues.
What are your thoughts on publicly open relationships? Are you able to communicate with your partner about branching out? Leave a comment below and don’t forget to follow us on social media!
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